


never knew that it could mean so much

by liferuining_feels



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, doctor!zayn, it's me of course there's angst, singer!niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 21:28:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3705315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liferuining_feels/pseuds/liferuining_feels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Niall gets into a fight and ends up in the A&E at the hospital where Zayn works, and the one time he doesn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never knew that it could mean so much

**1**

It takes about five minutes before the cold December wind bites through his skin and chills him to the bone as Zayn makes his way to work. It’s just a 10 minute walk to the hospital from his flat, and he’d be feeling a lot warmer if he hadn’t left his winter coat in his locker at work.  He’s wearing a pair of sweatpants and a thick jumper over a raggedy t-shirt, but it’s still not enough to shield him from the cold wind that wraps itself around him. So instead he shoves his hands under his armpits to keep them warm and has his head looking down at his feet as he briskly walks to reach the warmth of the hospital.

“Malik, what’re you doing here? Thought you had a big night out planned?!” Omar, who’s a fellow intern, shouts to him as Zayn walks into the hospital. He rolls his eyes in response, giving Omar the middle finger with a bitter scowl set on his face. The asshole’s just trying to rub it in, because he knows very well why Zayn’s working tonight.

Because it’s his friend Ant’s birthday tonight, and he's throwing a big party at a new club that’s just opened in the heart of London, and Zayn was looking forward to it since Ant first told him about it a month ago. But he’s not there.

No, instead he's stuck with a night shift at the A&E. To be honest, he shouldn't be complaining really, considering he brought the situation upon himself. It’s just that it’s Waliyha’s Sweet 16 next weekend and Zayn was going to miss it because he had to work, but he hasn’t been home in a few months and he knows she’d be absolutely gutted if he didn’t make it down to Bradford for her birthday and he didn’t want to disappoint her.

So he asked around and no one else was willing to cover for him except his mate Louis, who agreed to do it only if Zayn swapped with him for tonight.

Which is why he’s freezing his fingers off as he starts his shift instead of downing shots with his mates in a club right now.

He’s been slaving away at this internship at London Mercy for a year already and he still remembers that feeling he got when he first walked into the hospital, high off motivation and enthusiasm pumping through his body at the thought of finally finishing med school and being able to practise in one of the best hospitals in London.

But the only way he can describe the last few months is being in pure hell and all he gets excited about these days is the times he gets home at the end of the shift without the smell of blood or vomit on him. It’s not that he hates it, but it’s been a gruelling program that he hopes will be worth it.

He drags his feet to the A&E wing, and silently prays that it’ll be a quiet night so that he’ll be able to catch a quick nap on one of the available beds. Technically, he should have rested earlier in the day knowing he was on a night shift, but he hardly gets any time these days and spent the afternoon reading up on case studies and taking notes.

“Dr Malik, Bed 4 is waiting for you.” The nurse says to him as soon as he enters, before handing him the patient’s chart.

Zayn groans before rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Guess that nap won’t be happening.

“He walked in about 10 minutes ago. Apparently someone smashed a beer bottle on his head at the local pub.” The blonde nurse rolls her eyes, which isn’t very encouraging. “Good luck with that.”

Great. Zayn really isn’t in the mood to deal with drunken idiots.

He’s still looking down at the chart when he pulls back the curtain at Bed 4, though honestly he isn’t really paying much attention to it, everything still a little blur as he tries to get accustomed to the tiredness settling in his bones.

After a minute or two of just standing there, he hears someone clearing their throat awkwardly and he looks up to see his first patient of the night and almost drops the chart he’s holding.

Because the first thing that strikes him isn’t the blood soaked cloth that the patient’s holding against his head, but the fact that he’s probably the most attractive person that Zayn’s laid his eyes on in the past few months. 

The patient doesn’t look any older than Zayn, and he’s sitting up against the headboard with a crooked smile on his face that looks open and welcoming. He’s got blonde hair that’s stained red at the top, no doubt from his wound, and Zayn can spot a bruise forming on the guy’s pale skin just above his right cheekbone. He’s also got a nasty split lip, but Zayn’s too distracted by how plump and pink it looks despite the cut.

_Fuck_ , Zayn thinks to himself, he _really_ needs to get out more. Because there’s something about this guy in front of him that’s making Zayn feel like he’s in a little bit of a daze and he forgets everything for a minute.

“Hiya doc, you just gonna stand there or you gonna fix me up so I can stop bleeding all over me head?” Zayn doesn’t realise that he’s been staring until the patient reminds him again of his presence.

Zayn quickly snaps out of his daze and realises that the patient’s staring back at him, his eyes crinkling around the edges with a mischievous glint. He ducks his head to hide the blush that’s quickly creeping across his face, trying to focus on the clipboard in his hand instead of the fact that he’s a little attracted to the guy in front of him.

“Sorry Mr-“, He takes a quick glance down on the chart to find the patient’s name, “Horan.“

“Niall.”

“Hmm?”

“First name’s Niall.”

“Oh, um…” Zayn tries it out in his head, can feel how his tongue would form the name and gets a bit distracted before clearing his throat, “I’m Dr Malik and I’ll be treating you tonight.”

Zayn takes a few steps towards the bed to get a closer look at Mr Horan – Niall’s – injuries.

“Can you tell me how you got this injury Mr Horan?” Zayn asks as he puts on some surgical gloves.

“Call me Niall mate.” Niall says, and Zayn just nods his head shyly. “Well I was at the pub watching the footie yeah, and it was halftime so I thought I’d go take a leak so that I don’t miss any goals – and on my way there I see that this drunk idiot’s about to bump into me so I sort of put my hand on his shoulder to steady him, but I guess he thought I was trying to take a swing at him or something so he clocks one right at my cheek. I didn’t even hit him back, though I probably should have cause his stupid friend decided to come to his defence and smashed his beer bottle on me head.”

Zayn nods along as he listens to Niall describing how a bunch of drunk guys assaulted him but gets slightly distracted in between when he realises that Niall speaks with an accent – Irish he figures, from the way the words roll over his tongue before coming out of his mouth. It’s also amazing the way Niall recounts the incident so calmly, barely angry by the fact that he’s injured and Zayn wonders if he’s used to this sort of thing.

“You don’t sound too upset by it?” Zayn asks, curiosity getting the better of him.

Niall shrugs, before bringing his eyes to meet Zayn’s. “It happens I guess. He was drunk. People do stupid things while they’re drunk.” Niall rolls his eyes and it brings a chuckle out of Zayn.

“And you’re not?”

Pale fingers suddenly grip Zayn’s wrist, taking him by surprise, and he looks down to see Niall’s eyes are wide, making the blue of his iris  pop out in the harsh white surroundings.

“I’m Irish mate. That’s beer coming out of me head, not blood.” Niall says seriously, but five seconds later his face breaks and he’s doubling over with laughter and Zayn can’t help but follow in suit.

But it’s true, because despite what the nurse had told him earlier, Niall doesn’t look drunk at all.  Zayn’s had his fair share of experience dealing with drunk patients and those that come in usually have red eyes and sluggish movements, but yet with Niall, his eyes look clear as day and it’s slightly mesmerising to the point it’s distracting Zayn from being able to treat him professionally. The only thing that makes him seem drunk is the way he’s still got a lazy smile on his face in spite of everything.

“Stupid arsehole.” Niall mumbles under his breath as he lets go of Zayn’s wrist, which makes him a little disappointed. “I guess I am little annoyed. Didn’t expect my night to end up like this.”

“Guess it was the wrong place wrong time eh?” Niall nods his head before Zayn tips his head down to examine the cut on his scalp. Niall just grunts in response as Zayn tries to clean the blood matted hair around the wound to assess the damage done. It’s a little difficult to see through the mess, but the cut looks shallow and has finally stopped bleeding, which is good because that means Zayn can take care of it himself instead of calling for a plastic consult.

He feels a wave of relief, but he’s not sure whether it’s for medical reasons or whether it’s so he can spend more time alone with Niall.

“Bit young to be a doctor aren’t ya?” Niall says, wincing a little when Zayn touches a little close to the cut.

“I’m a first year resident and I’ve got a lot of experience in dealing with injuries like this, Mr Horan.” Zayn says curtly.

 “I didn’t mean to offend ya mate, just curious that’s all.” He offers him an apologetic smile and apparently that’s all it takes for Zayn to feel his defensive walls shut down.

_You’re too damn weak Malik_ , he mentally curses himself.

“It’s just, you’re too gorgeous to be in this hospital. Give all the old ladies a heart attack won’t ya? Besides, those cheekbones look like they belong on the runway or summat.”

Okay. Maybe he is drunk after all, Zayn thinks.

“How many drinks did you say you had again, Mr Horan?” Zayn asks as he turns his back to Niall, conveniently hiding his blushing face.

“Come on, call me Niall – and I’ve only had a few pints. I told you, I’m Irish, I’ve got a genetic bias towards having a high tolerance for alcohol.” he says with a cheeky wink.

Zayn shakes his head, but he knows Niall can see the smile that he’s trying really hard to conceal.

Zayn dabs a cotton pad with disinfectant and presses it lightly against Niall’s cut. He hisses in pain, and Zayn feels something gripping at his waist. He looks down to find Niall’s fingers curled around his hip, and he looks back up questioningly.

“Sorry…bit of a pinch.”

“It’s alright.” Zayn says with a smirk.

He tries not to let his nervousness show on his face, or how much Niall’s touch is affecting him, so he quickly tries to distract himself.

“So Mr Horan, what is it that you do?”

“Really? You’re not going to stop calling me that? Ugh fine.” He removes his hand and Zayn immediately feels the loss of touch disturbing. “I sing. I’m a singer.”

Zayn stops and looks down in surprise, raising his eyebrow at Niall who just nods his head like an excited puppy. “I mean, I’ve just been busking and playing small time gigs at the local pubs, but…one day I’m going to make it big, it’s only a matter of time.”

Zayn admires the way Niall says it with such confidence, and if he was being honest with himself he’s even a little envious of the way Niall speaks about his love for music with such passion. Zayn can barely remember the last time he felt that way about something.

“Well…maybe you should avoid getting into pub fights yeah? Won’t be good on your Wikipedia page.” Zayn jokes.

Niall lets out a laugh that sounds like it rises up from the bottom of his chest, wholehearted and sincere. “Maybe it’ll get me famous faster mate.”

“Is that why you moved to London?”

Niall looks at Zayn in surprise, as if he wasn’t expecting the question.

“Well, yeah – I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I love my little sleepy Irish town. But it’s not exactly like there’s a record company right round the corner.”

Niall starts talking about where he comes from – some place called Mullingar – and how he misses it so much. It’s nice hearing him talk about it, Zayn feels like he’s getting an insight into Niall’s life and he files away every piece of information for safekeeping, though he knows it’s no use. Niall would be gone after he’s patched up, and Zayn would probably forget him after the next 100th patient he treats.

“Wasn’t getting anywhere back home. My mate Harry moved here a couple of years ago, and I just followed him.” Zayn hums as he applies some ointment to the bruise on Niall’s cheek.

“Might try out for X Factor next year.” Niall says, his voice quiet and small. He’s looking down at his fingers, and it’s the first time since he’s come in that Zayn’s seen him short of happy. He almost looks…insecure.

“Well I’ll be sure to look out for ya. Might even vote for you.” Zayn says with a smile.

This time it’s Niall turn to blush, and he doesn’t hide it the way Zayn does, instead he just shakes his head as if to ward off the crimson colour that creeps across his face. It’s cute. Zayn likes that he can make Niall blush. He wonders how far down that blush can go.

“What about you? What brings you to London?”

“What makes you think I’m not from here?”

“Come on. I might be from the Irish midlands but even I know that you don’t have a London accent.”

Zayn chuckles. “From the North. Bradford. Came here for med school.”

He goes back to making sure the stitches are okay before starting to wrap a bandage around Niall’s head when he hears his patient letting out a scoff.

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to tell me?” Zayn looks at Niall confused. “I tell you my life story and all I get from you is ‘Bradford and med school’?”

Zayn shrugs sheepishly. “Well, guess we’ll have to save it for next time. I’m finished here.” He looks down at his hands, mostly to cover the disappointment in his face.

When he lifts his head back up again, Niall is looking at him with an expression that Zayn can’t read, but a second later his face breaks into a huge grin that Zayn can’t help but mirror.

“Try to keep out of trouble yeah?” Zayn says a few minutes later after he’s written up a prescription for him.

“I’ll try.” Niall replies with a wink and gets up to leave. Zayn stands still, watching as Niall gathers his belongings and gives him a quick nod before walking away.

He makes it to a few steps before he stops, turning around to meet Zayn’s eyes.

“You’re not gonna make me think of your as Dr Malik forever are you?”

Zayn’s eyes wrinkle in confusion, he’s pretty sure he introduced himself – and oh.

“It’s Zayn…Zayn Malik.”

Niall smiles, “Well Dr Zayn Malik, thank you for fixing me up tonight. It was great meeting you.”

Before he gets a chance to answer, Zayn watches as Niall briskly turns and disappears around the corner.

He wonders for a quick bit if he should have given Niall his number, but he shakes the thought off as quickly as it comes, finding it ridiculous that he wanted to exchange contacts with someone he barely knows, let alone a patient.

He doesn’t feel as tired as he did at the beginning of his shift, and he increasingly gets bored as the night wears on. His thoughts keep wondering back to his conversation with Niall, and the nurses catch him with a smile on his face more than once.

There’s a twinge of disappointment he feels later on as he replays the night in his head as he walks back home after his shift is over. Maybe it’s because it’s the first time he’s had an interest in a patient, because he has to admit, he finds Niall attractive. Plus he hasn’t been on a date in so long. _So long_. And that was the closest thing he’s had to a date, with everything they talked about, if only they had swapped the hospital setting to a restaurant.

Zayn shakes the thought out of his head before his mind runs with it, dreaming up of endless possibilities.

He met a boy, the boy made him laugh, he had a good time. But the night was over, and he wasn’t ever going to see Niall Horan again.

**2**

Over the course of the next week, every blonde guy that walks into the A&E has Zayn doing a double take until he realises that it isn’t the person that he’s looking for. He pushes down the disappointment that bubbles up in his chest each time while shaking his head at how ridiculous he’s being.

Because why is he thinking about a guy he barely knows? Why has some blonde Irishman filled up the spaces in his head after just one night of getting to know each other?

It takes him a while but after a couple of days he convinces himself that the chances of crossing paths with Niall again is highly unlikely, and he shakes it off reluctantly despite finding himself replaying their conversation on those quiet nights when he’s back in the A&E and there are no patients.

Which is why he’s completely taken for surprise when he sees Niall standing there during another one of his night shifts a couple of weeks later.

“Niall?”

He looks exactly the same as he did the last time he came in, wearing tight black jeans paired with a white band shirt and a snapback on his head. He’s at the nurses’ station, and it’s only when he walks closer that Zayn notices that Niall’s right arm is messily wrapped in a blood-soaked cloth and he’s holding it close to his chest.  He turns his head at Zayn’s voice, and his eyes widen in recognition before his face breaks into a huge smile.

“Dr Malik! Hey!”

Zayn stares at him in disbelief, and when he opens his mouth no words come out. He’s running on 4 hours of sleep and he can barely stand up straight and so it takes him a while to process the sight in front of him and wonder whether he’s hallucinating.

He keeps staring at Niall, scrunching up his eyebrows in confusion like he isn’t sure what he’s doing there. But then Niall awkwardly lifts his hand up and Zayn finally snaps out of it, quickly rushing forward to his aid when he realises that it’s actually _him_ and he’s not dreaming.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Zayn tries his best to keep his voice calm and to cover up how weird he was acting earlier.

“Had a bit of an accident?” Niall shrugs his shoulders and looks down at his arm sheepishly.  

“C’mon…” Zayn places his hand on Niall’s elbow and gently steers him to the next available bed.

“What kind of accident are we talking about this time?” Zayn asks as he carefully unwraps the cloth from Niall’s arm.

"I was at the pub,” Niall starts, looking embarrassed as his uninjured hand rubs the back of his neck, “Was just buying the next round of drinks and went back to where my mates were sitting and some idiot was there trying to pick a fight with one of them. He was getting pretty aggressive so I tried to get him to back away but he pushed me pretty roughly and…I guess I tripped and I fell against the table behind me. It would have just been a bruise, but there was a pint jar on it and everything and it just shattered right under me arm.”

Zayn winces as he looks at Niall’s arm and sees a few long gashes covered in blood and small shards of glass.

“Your mates didn’t come with you?  Zayn asks when he notices that Niall’s here alone, again. Not that he’s complaining, but he just finds it a little odd that Niall got into a fight for them and they’re nowhere to be found.

Niall just shrugs. “Dunno, they all just kind of disappeared.” Zayn looks up to give Niall a confused expression. “Nah, I don’t really know them that well, just met them tonight.” Niall explains.

Zayn stops what he’s doing and stares at Niall. “You got into a fight just because some drunk was trying to pick a fight with someone you barely know?”

Niall sighs loudly, while rolling his eyes. “Not a big deal. Bottom line is that they were being assholes.”

Zayn just shakes his head as he goes back to removing the little shards of glass from the cuts. “Always can’t keep yourself out of trouble can ya?”

Niall just has enough time to smirk before he lets out a wince as Zayn keeps picking at his skin. “It doesn’t matter if he’s my friend or not. He needed my help yeah? And like I said, they were being douchebags. You should have seen the way they were goading him. It was despicable. I had to do something about it.”

It doesn’t escape Zayn that this is the second time that Niall’s ended up hurt because of other people. It’s an admirable trait, Zayn doesn’t think that he’d do the same if it was him in that situation.

 “Well, I guess those guys are lucky that they met you tonight then.”

Niall just cracks a smile and hums in agreement. They stay in silence for a little while as Zayn continues to work on his injury.

He’s removed most of the glass and now and starts to clean up the blood. There’s only one long gash that needs some stitching, and smaller shallow cuts that should heal up quickly over the next few days.

Zayn asks a nurse to get Niall ready for sutures as he continues to look for any stray pieces of glass that he may have missed.

“So Dr Malik. It’s next time.”

Zayn hums as he picks up a piece that he’s spotted in the deep gash and carefully removes it. He looks up and raises an eyebrow to Niall’s expectant face.

“The last time I was here you refused to tell me anything about yourself. So look what happened? Fate decided to get me roughed up again just so I’d have the chance to come back.”

Zayn sits back and takes a moment to get his head grasped around what Niall’s just said. It finally clicks, and he lets out a chuckle, shaking his head fondly.

“Come onn.” Niall practically whines.

There’s something about the way he looks at Zayn, face open and warm while doing his best to give him a puppy dog look. But there’s sincerity in his eyes, and maybe that’s why Zayn finds himself going on a rant for the next half hour about his life before med school, about why he chose to move to London, and even tells him all about how he misses his family and wishes that he could see them more often.

Niall listens intently the whole time, interrupting every now and then to ask questions, encouraging Zayn to open up and share bits about himself to make him feel a bit more comfortable. Because Zayn’s never been comfortable about talking about himself, and it’s never done willingly. And somehow Niall picks up on this, which only makes him more eager to tell Niall these things, and he loves the interest that he shows eventhough Zayn goes on about the simplest stuff.

“So what do you do in your free time?”

“Don’t really have much of that. Any extra time from the hospital is spent catching up on well-deserved sleep.” Zayn replies, looking up briefly only to catch Niall rolling his eyes.

“Seriously? What about on days off then?”

“I’m telling you, sleep becomes valuable once you’re a first year intern like me.”

Niall groans loudly as he leans back on the bed, carefully making sure he doesn’t move his right arm to disturb Zayn.

Zayn just shrugs in response. “I’m boring mate.”

 “Come on, you must have some hobby or something right?” Niall sits back up again, his legs swinging off the bed and touching Zayn.

“I told you mate, I don’t have the time for it.”

“Oh, but there _is_ something you like to do then?”

Zayn knows he’s been caught, but he just keeps quiet and hopes that Niall lets it go. But of course he doesn’t, and he might not know the blonde for that long but he knows that Niall is relentless, so he isn’t surprised when he feels Niall’s knee nudging his hip.

“I like to draw.” He finally gives in, and he’d be embarrassed if it wasn’t for the way he sees Niall’s face light up.

“That’s awesome! I’d never have pegged you to be the artistic type mate. But I shouldn’t talk, I can’t draw for shit.” He doesn’t say anything else, just keeps giving Zayn that smile that makes the insides of his stomach do cartwheels.

He doesn’t push any further, which is probably why Zayn finds himself opening up to Niall a little bit more. “Yeah, I used to do it quite a bit while in med school. A way to de-stress you know. But these days it’s been difficult.”

Niall keeps quiet, as if taking in Zayn’s words. “You can’t let talent like that go to waste mate.”

“I’m not really that good. It’s just doodling if anything.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s something you’re passionate about isn’t it?”

Zayn nods.

“Then don’t let it die.” He says it seriously, and his eyes bore into Zayn’s.

“Not all of us have the guts to follow our dreams like you mate.”

“So being a doctor isn’t your dream?”

Zayn pauses.

“No I don’t mean that…it’s just…I guess drawing is more of an outlet. It’s a bit…difficult to feel passionate about being a doctor I guess. Because it’s such a long road to get there but…it’s definitely something that I want to do for the rest of my life.”

Niall considers Zayn’s answer for a bit, then slowly nods his head in understanding. “That’s why I keep singing. I know it’ll get me somewhere one day.”

“Think highly of yourself don’t ya?” Zayn teases.

This time, Niall just gives Zayn a soft smile, and it sends a dozen butterflies fluttering through his chest and into his tummy. “I’ve been playing the guitar since I was 3. There’s nothing else that I know. Bit stubborn too. Kept telling my dad that I wanted to be a singer, and didn’t really let go of it.”

He lets out a sigh, and Zayn sees for the first time how tired Niall looks, and the bags under his eyes. “Maybe if I had a steady job as a safety net, I wouldn’t be days late on my rent.” Niall rubs the back of his neck, and there’s that uncertainty again that only seems to come out when he’s talking about his singing.

It amazes Zayn how hopeful Niall is despite feeling so insecure about it.  

“If it wasn’t for Harry – my roommate – I think I’d be living on the streets by now.” Niall laughs nervously, refusing to meet Zayn’s eyes.

“Well it’s a good thing that you’re gonna become a rockstar yeah?” Zayn means to say it jokingly, but instead his voice comes out soft and gentle.

Niall gives him a grateful look, his lips curving upward in a heartfelt smile.

Zayn’s finished with the stitches a few minutes later and writes Niall a prescription for painkillers that he’ll definitely need come morning.

Their goodbye is a little rushed as Zayn gets called to tend to an incoming emergency, though just before he turns to leave, Zayn’s struck with the desire to ask Niall for his number. But then his nerves take over a second later and the words get stuck in his throat and he leaves reluctantly.

But later on, while he’s finishing up on reports for the night, he realises that Niall didn’t bother asking him for his number either, and that leaves him feeling disappointed that whatever it is he’s feeling is probably one-sided.

**3**

Zayn thought that seeing Niall at the hospital again was just a coincidence, and that it wouldn’t happen again. He spent some time sulking about how he missed another opportunity of getting to know Niall outside of the hospital, and eventually came to the conclusion that it just wasn’t in his fate.

Until Fate decides to flaunt it in his face a month later.

It’s been a fairly quiet night at the hospital, and the last time Zayn tended to a patient was over an hour ago, so he’s just sitting at the nurse’s station scrolling through his phone when he hears the doors sliding open and someone shouting a string of curses.

Zayn stands up and slips into focus immediately as the adrenaline shoots through his body. It’s what shifts at the A&E prepare you for, to be completely alert at a moment’s notice.

He quickly walks to meet the paramedics who are wheeling in a patient, and he freezes in his place when he sees a familiar shock of blonde hair lying on the stretcher and crying out in agony.

 “What happened?” Zayn shouts to the paramedic, unable to take his eyes off Niall.

“Dislocated shoulder.” She hands him the chart immediately. “Got into a fight outside the pub.”

The second time that Niall ended up at the hospital, there was a part of Zayn that didn’t mind if he came in with more fight-related injuries (though he felt horrible about it). But now, seeing him lying on the stretcher looking pale and his jaw clenched in pain – it just felt too wrong.

Zayn stands still in his place, probably from the shock, but he’s having a hard time believing that it’s really Niall in front of him. He’s used to Niall greeting him with a smile and a quip ready on his tongue, but to actually see him in so much pain is something Zayn realises he’s not prepared for.

It takes the paramedic’s stern voice calling out to him that snaps him out of it and Zayn forces himself to focus and behave professionally because whatever it is, Niall needs him to be all hands on deck at the moment.

“What’s the case?”

“He got mugged outside the pub and then tried to go after the robber. They got into a scuffle, which is how I think he dislocated his shoulder. Luckily the police were driving by and heard the ruckus and stopped them. Looks like it’s just that injury, and probably some bruising on his chest and face.”

Zayn thanks the paramedic and takes over from them, immediately turning his attention to Niall.

“Niall, it’s Dr Malik here, do you know where you are?”

He doesn’t reply, and Zayn’s praying that he doesn’t pass out from the pain. It’s hard for him to keep a professional head on, because all he wants to do is to whisper soothing words in Niall’s ear, anything to relieve the pain he’s feeling.

 “Niall, it’s me, it’s Zayn. I need you to tell me if it hurts anywhere else.”

“Zayn…fuck it hurts!”

Zayn feels some of the tension seep out of his chest, because if Niall can name him then he’s aware enough and conscious of his surroundings.

“Okay mate, I’ll – we’ll take care of you okay?” Zayn squeezes Niall’s shoulder reassuringly, then tries to quickly assess if he’s injured anywhere else.

Thankfully it looks like he’s just badly bruised under his ribs, which leaves Zayn able to focus on resetting Niall’s shoulder.

He’s only treated a dislocated shoulder once, but he’s confident that he can do it well and quickly calls a nurse over to assist him in the prep.

“Niall, I’m going to try to set your shoulder back, but it’s going to be really painful. So I need you to stay really still for me alright?” Zayn is towering over Niall’s body, and he’s gripping onto the side of the bed so that he doesn’t lift it to cup Niall’s cheek while he’s talking to him.

“I trust you Malik.” He says through gritted teeth.

There’s a warmth that blooms through his chest when he hears Niall say that, and it keeps his head from getting distracted. He doesn’t think the dislocation is too severe, and Niall doesn’t need any painkillers because he’s certain he can pop the shoulder back in quickly.

With that, he asks the nurse to place herself at Niall’s head to keep him steady while he takes Niall’s arm in his hand and gently stretches it out. Zayn tries to keep his eye on the arm, but he can still see the way Niall winces from the corner of his eye.

He tries to be as tender as he can while bending the arm at a 90 degree angle and then carefully rotates it outward slowly, while both of his hands keep Niall’s arm as steady as possible. Zayn ignores the way Niall’s face is scrunched up in pain, his lips pursed in a thin line and eyes shut closed.

It’s a slow process, and Zayn wonders whether he should keep Niall’s attention away from the pain by talking to him. But eventhough he’s confident about his skills, he wants to concentrate on making sure he does this right. So they stay silent while Zayn works on his shoulder, with Niall only letting out an occasional hiss every now and then.

Finally after a few minutes, Zayn hears a _click_ and lets out a happy sigh to a completely surprised looking Niall.

“Fuck, that feels tonnes better. Is that it?”

Zayn nods and lets out a relieved laugh, shaking his head at how different Niall is once he’s been rid of the pain. Zayn examines Niall’s shoulder to make sure that the relocation was done properly while asking him whether the pain’s completely gone and is satisfied to hear that it’s dimmed to a dull ache.

The nurse comes back with a small bag of ice which Zayn takes from her before lightly pressing it against Niall’s shoulder.

Niall lets out a hiss when the cold touches his skin but it immediately turns to a satisfied groan and he closes his eyes when the relief it provides hits,

By right, Niall’s fully capable of holding the ice bag on his own, but Zayn uses it as an excuse to stay close to him for a little while longer.

When Niall opens his eyes a little while later, he flashes Zayn that familiar wide grin again. “Thanks.”

Zayn bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from returning the smile, fixing Niall instead with what he hopes is a stern look.

“Going after a robber? Really?”

Niall rolls his eyes and Zayn can feel the anger properly bubbling up in his chest now.

“It’s not funny Niall! What if he had a knife on him? I could have been treating you for stab wounds tonight and you might have been in ten times the pain you were in not 10 minutes ago!”

Any attempt to keep his cool is obviously lost, and Zayn doesn’t try to hide the anger from his face now.

“You’re mad at me.” Zayn just continues to glare at him, unable to find any words to say.

“I know, I know. It was stupid.” To his credit, Niall really does look like he regrets his actions and Zayn’s finding it incredibly hard to stay angry at the way Niall’s got him bottom lip stuck in a pout. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Zayn gets Niall to sit up so that he can put his arm in a sling to relieve some of the ache.

“Cuts and bruises I can fix myself but…” He trails off and refuses to look at Niall, but feels him grab his arm and squeezes it.

They stare at each other for a while, before a nurse comes in and disturbs the moment. Zayn quickly clears his throat and stands up, with Niall dropping his hand.

“I’ve been drawing again you know…” He says it softly, a little nervous to admit it. But he thinks he owes it to Niall, since it was because of him that Zayn even bothered to pick up his graphite pencils again.  “You know, getting back into my passion and all that.”

Niall looks surprised, and for a minute Zayn’s worried that maybe he’s forgotten about what they talked about and feels like an idiot for opening his mouth.

“Mate, that’s sick! I wanna see something you’ve done one day.”

They stand there grinning at each other for a bit before Niall clears his throat.

“So uh…you know I play a weekly gig at this cafe. You should come check it out sometime.”

Zayn fights to keep the grin off his face, to play it cool like he doesn’t really care. But the idea of seeing Niall in a different setting, outside these hospital walls has him feeling exhilarated beyond measure. He doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nods instead, ducking down to hide the traitorous blush on his face.

He’s just about calmed his nerves and built up the guts to ask Niall for his number when the nurses start shouting that there’s an emergency case coming in and for all doctors to wait out front. On instinct Zayn starts to run out to meet the ambulance, before he remembers and pauses halfway to look back.

Niall mouths “I’m okay” and waves him off, and Zayn shoots him an apologetic look.

His mind quickly focuses on the incoming patients, and he doesn’t think about Niall at all for the next three hours. By the time he’s done, he knows Niall’s probably long gone and he gets disappointed when the nurses don’t pass him a slip of paper with a number or the name of the café that Niall’s playing at.

He’s tired, so so tired, and thankful when his shift finally ends. He half expects Niall to be waiting outside for him, leaning against the hospital wall with a lazy smile on his face. But he’s not, and Zayn shakes the image from his head before he gets too attached to it.

It’s only when he’s back in the warmth of his flat and standing under the hot streaming water that he allows himself to replay Niall’s visit, and his heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach when he thinks about how he’s missed his chance yet again.

**4**

The days go by and every day Zayn looks for a chance that he might see Niall again. He swaps any day shift he gets at the A&E to a night one, because that’s when Niall used to come in, and on days when he’s doing other rounds he makes it a point to get out of the hospital through the A&E wing.

Every time he walks past a café, his feet walk in before his head can protest, his eyes already on the lookout for a pair of familiar blue eyes. He always finds himself unashamedly asking the barista or cashier whether anyone plays live music at each of these places, but none of them give him the answer he wants.

Three months pass before Zayn catches sight of the scruffy blonde hair in the A&E again. This time though he comes in with the paramedics after getting into _another_ pub brawl.

Zayn’s just finished treating another patient when he sees Niall being brought in on a stretcher. He stands up immediately worried, especially after what happened the last time, and his heart beats a little faster at the thought that this could be it, Niall could seriously be hurt. 

To his relief, the minute Niall lifts his head and spots Zayn, his face splits into a wide grin that Zayn can’t help but reciprocate, because hopefully this means that it’s nothing serious. The only thing is, Niall’s holding a cloth to his nose which is still a little worrying.

“We really should stop meeting like this you know.” Zayn greets him with a teasing smirk.

“The only way I get to see you isn’t it Dr Malik.” Niall replies. His face looks just as beat up as it was the first time Zayn saw him, a black eye and split lip, and cringes when Niall removes his right hand away.

“Lad here got into a fistfight. Possible broken nose, and cuts on his arm aside from the obvious bruising.” Steve, the regular paramedic tells Zayn.

“It wasn’t my fault anyway.”

“It never is with you, is it Mr Horan?” Zayn’s heart skips a beat when Niall flashes him a cheeky smirk.

Zayn leaves Niall’s side for a moment to ask the Head Nurse something and when he comes back he sees Liam, his flatmate and colleague who’s also on the shift today, talking to him. There’s an odd unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, and Zayn almost wants to tell Liam to stop disturbing his patient.

When Zayn rejoins them, Niall’s in the middle of an animated retelling of what happened to him.

“Look, I was chatting to this chick right, and I left to get us a drink, and when I get back these boys were giving her a hard time yeah, so I just stepped in to ask them to back off. Then they decided to be dicks about it and next thing I know I’m being thrown against this glass wall and they’re throwing punches.”

Zayn can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy when he hears Niall talking about chatting up a girl and standing up for her to the point of getting a nasty beating. He knows that Niall has a history of defending just about anyone who needs it, but he’s pretty sure that whenever a girl’s involved there has to be something more. He never really thought about the possibility that Niall isn’t straight, and now that he thinks about he doubts that Niall’s the type to be into guys.  

Liam’s already checked that Niall doesn’t have a broken nose, and soon enough it stops bleeding. So Zayn starts to clean up the nasty gash on Niall’s arm, which is quite similar to his previous injury, while Niall’s attention is solely on Liam.

The two of them are getting along like a house on fire. With Zayn working on Niall’s injuries, he and Liam talk. Apparently Liam frequents this pub that Niall goes to and they’re both laughing and exchanging stories about people they both know.

He thinks it must be the look of concentration on his face that leaves the two other boys to keep talking without paying much attention to him, although at one point Niall does throw him a cheeky wink and Zayn barely manages to return a smile.

He’s jealous. This time of Liam, because this is the time that Zayn and Niall use to talk to each other, when they’d share what’s been going on in each other’s lives and get to know each other a little better. It especially hurts when he hears Niall telling Liam about his latest singing gig, of playing in a couple of small bars around England over the past two months.

Zayn’s ecstatic for him, but can’t seem to really express it because he’s too busy feeling annoyed that Niall isn’t recounting this to him while they’re alone. He tries to involve himself in the conversation, but most of the time Liam’s asking Niall questions that Zayn already knows the answer to.

It doesn’t help that the green-eyed monster is lurking underneath his skin and all these thoughts running through his mind just start confusing him as he tries to focus on removing the tiny glass pieces from Niall’s arms. So he just keeps quiet and concentrates on making sure the wound is clean, since the cut is fairly shallow and doesn’t need any stitches.

Niall lets out a hiss when Zayn starts to dab a bit of disinfectant on the wound. “Easy there Dr Malik.” Zayn finally looks up, only to find Niall looking at him with a smirk, and Liam’s nowhere in sight. Zayn didn’t even realise their conversation had ended.

“Couldn’t catch up today hey?”

“Well, didn’t want you walking out with glass in your arm.” Zayn says, trying to keep his voice cheerful despite the fact he’s still feeling slightly disappointed. Although he’s a little pleased that Niall noticed. “Though it isn’t as bad as the last time.”

“God, that was crazy. I honestly didn’t think I’d end this night with a piece of glass stuck in my arm.”

“Hope it was worth it, did you at least get the girl’s number?” Zayn tries to keep his voice casual, but even he knows that his tone betrays him the minute the words come out and he stubbornly keeps his eyes on the chart in front of him to avoid looking at Niall.

Niall starts laughing loudly, and Zayn looks at him in confusion. “Nah, I didn’t.”

The nurse covers up Niall’s wound with a bandage while Zayn signs off on his release forms and writes out a prescription for pain medication. He waves the white paper to Niall with a fixed stare, not needing to explain how to take it or when, because he’s done it so many times with him before.

Niall gets off the bed and is about to leave when he grabs Zayn’s waist and leans in to whisper in his ear. “Anyway, girls aren’t really my type. I’m more into artsy boys.” He drops a feather light kiss to Zayn’s cheek before pulling back and walking away, turning behind once to shoot Zayn a wink.

He probably should have run after him and finally asked him for his number, but he’s too distracted by the erratic beating of his heart and the shock coursing through his body.

For some reason, Zayn isn’t as disappointed as he used to be. Because there’s something that tells him that maybe this isn’t the last time that he’ll see Niall.

Later that night while he’s in bed, he closes his eyes and all he sees is Niall leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. He remembers how his chapped lips felt against his stubble, and Zayn falls asleep with a dreamy smile on his face. 

**5**

Zayn’s shift today has been excruciatingly long. He’s probably pushing 12 or 14 hours and he’s meant to go home, but he’s so tired and can’t be bothered to make the ten minute walk back to his flat. Especially since it’s already past midnight and he’s due back in the hospital in eight hours. So he decides to crash at the hospital instead, which is pathetic considering he practically lives there already, but all he wants is a bed, so he walks into the first empty on-call room he finds and falls face first onto the bed, white coat still on and everything.

He’s only been asleep for a little bit when he’s already so rudely interrupted, his phone vibrating violently from somewhere near his head. He ignores it for a while, thinking it can’t be _that_ important, but then he realises how late it is and the only reason he can think of for someone calling him at this hour is for an emergency.

So he reluctantly feels around for his phone until his fingers grasp around the cold plastic that’s hidden under his pillow and squints an eye open at the screen. He’s got two missed calls from Liam, which is weird because he had a shift tonight and he knew that Zayn was planning to crash at the hospital.

He’s about to call Liam back when a new text from him flashes on the screen, so he quickly opens it to see what’s up.

“mate tried 2 call u1!! ur irish boy is hereeee :)))”

He’s a little confused at first, before the realisation of who _irish boy_ could be sets in and he practically jumps out of the bed. He hastily leaves the on-call room and he isn’t even sure if that’s where to go, but it’s mostly instinct that leads his feet towards the A &E. He pauses quickly to look at his reflection in one of the mirrors, and sorts his dishevelled bedhead to look less like a mess and wishes that he’d thought to at least have a quick shower before deciding to fall asleep.

He rushes down to the A&E wing and it’s no surprise that he doesn’t need to ask anyone where Niall is because the minute he steps into the unit, he hears a familiar loud laughter coming from Bed 3.

He composes himself, makes sure he gets his breathing under order before he walks up to the bed. He’s pretty sure that it isn’t because he just ran down three flights of stairs, but because this is the first time he’ll be seeing Niall again after their last meeting and that thought is causing butterflies to fly around in his stomach.

Because if it really is Niall down there with Liam, it’ll be the first time in five months that he’s seen him. Five months of pining, five months of trying to mix different shades of blue to match the colour of Niall’s eyes, five months of replaying every one of their meetings and thinking about how it could have gone differently.

Zayn carefully slips in through the curtain that’s covering the bed to find Niall lying down and Liam standing over him.

He looks tired, and there doesn’t seem to be any visible injuries on his body, so Zayn wonders in confusion as to why Niall’s in the A&E.

“Oh hiya Zayn.” Liam says, and Niall’s head immediately turns in his direction.

The minute his eyes land on Zayn’s, his face splits into a wide grin and he lifts his hand to give him a little wave.

“What’s up Dr Malik?”

Zayn can’t trust himself to say anything, so he just smiles back at him and instead focuses his attention to Liam, waiting for him to fill him in on what Niall’s doing at the hospital again.

“Looks like our friend here got into a bit of a scuffle and hit his head against the pavement. No external injuries, but I think he’s suffered a concussion.”

Zayn’s eyes widen in horror as he turns to look back at Niall. There’s so much he wants to say, like how he’s an idiot for getting himself into another fight, and that he’s an idiot for kissing him and making him all confused, and that he’s an idiot for not leaving his number.

“You’re an idiot.” In the end that’s all he can say. And it says a lot about their doctor-patient relationship that Zayn’s able to get away with saying that and Niall just gives him a guilty shrug.

“We’ll have to keep you here overnight mate. Just to make sure you’re okay.” Liam says as he finishes looking through Niall’s chart.

“No! You can’t! Mate I absolutely hate hospitals alright. Look at me, I’m perfectly fine! Just got a little headache that I’m sure a good night’s sleep will get rid of.”

Liam just shakes his head. “A concussion is a serious thing Niall. Someone’s got to watch you and make sure that there aren’t any side effects.” He contemplates something for a while, after seeing the way Niall’s forehead is furrowed and his lips jutting out in a pout. “Is there anyone else living with you?”

Niall nods but he doesn’t say anything and Zayn knows that something is up. He remembers Niall telling him about his roommate who works at a bar.

“Niall, when does Harry get off from work?”

Niall continues to keep quiet, so Zayn presses him for an answer again.

“Haz is uh...he’s gone back home for the week.”

“So you’re saying there’ll be no one with you at the flat?” Liam has a disapproving tone in his voice, and it’s amusing to see how Niall shrinks under the look he gives him. “Niall you need someone to be by your side for at least 8 hours to wake you up periodically and make sure that you’re conscious. We can’t really tell right now if you’ve got an internal injury.”

Niall still doesn’t listen to him and stubbornly stands his ground that he wants to return to his flat.

“I can’t stay here! Look, the X-Factor auditions are happening tomorrow in Manchester and I’ve got to catch the train there tomorrow morning so that I can start to line up in the afternoon and it’s the best shot I got because apparently there’s not a lot of talent there, can you believe it? Anyway, my mate says I’ve got a higher chance of being selected there and I can’t miss my train! If I stay here I’m just going to be delayed by paperwork and all that shit, come on Liam, I’m fine!” Zayn’s never heard Niall speak that fast, but it’s obvious how distressed he is from the way his eyes are wide and pleading at Liam.

 Zayn listens quietly while Liam and Niall bicker away, and the next thing he knows there are words coming out of his mouth before his head can process them.

“He can come home with me.”

They both stop talking immediately and look at him. Niall looks unsure and a little confused, while Zayn’s pretty sure that Liam’s jaw is pretty close to being dislodged from his face.

“It’s perfect yeah? I live right across the street, and I’m qualified to check him properly and I know what to do if something goes wrong. And I can make the decision on whether or not he’s fit enough to get on that train tomorrow.”  

“Zayn I can’t…” Niall starts, but Zayn quickly cuts him off.

“Shut up and get him discharged Liam, I’ll just go get my stuff.” Zayn quickly turns and walks towards the lifts before they can say anything further, but it’s also to hide the sudden blush that’s spreading across his face.

When he gets to the locker room, he has a bit of a nervous breakdown. First he can’t believe that he had the guts to do that. Second, there’s a part of him that’s saying that he barely knows the guy despite his unhealthy infatuation for him and he has no idea what he’s really like outside the hospital.

Eventually he calms down, because he knows deep in his gut that Niall’s a good guy, and all the unnecessary worst scenarios that he’s cooking up in his head are unlikely to happen.

By the time he comes back down, it’s almost half past 2 in the morning and Niall is discharged and ready to leave. He’s still a little unsteady on his feet because of the drowsiness as a result of the concussion, and Zayn has to wrap an arm around his waist to give him the support to walk.

It’s a nice feeling having Niall lean into Zayn as they make their way back to his flat together. He’s never been so close to Niall before, and there’s a warmth spreading through his bones when he catches a whiff of vanilla and citrus on Niall’s skin. He finds himself wanting to know more, like the kind of shampoo he uses and how long he takes to do his hair and if he’s a boxer or briefs kind of guy.

He quickly shakes those thoughts out of his head as the two of them make the slightly longer than usual walk across the road from the hospital to Zayn and Liam’s flat.

Zayn throws Niall a sheepish smile when he opens the door, leading Niall into the small living room.

“It’s nothing much, but Liam and I prefer it because it’s so close to the hospital.”

Niall just nods at him, “Oh, you live with him?”

Zayn just nods as he brings Niall to his room, and is glad that he decided to clean it up just the day before. Niall sits on the edge of the bed for a minute before letting his body fall back and closes his eyes.

“Hey, hold on, how’s your head feeling? Do you feel like throwing up or anything?”

Niall just shakes his head.

“Niall, come on.”

“No, still have a headache. It’s not worse though, I’m just really tired.” He opens his eyes and tries to give Zayn a smile, but it comes out more like a grimace instead.

“Promise me something.” Zayn says from where he’s standing at the door.

“What?”

“Don’t do anything like this again,” Zayn says seriously. “Not that I don’t mind you being my regular guinea pig as an aspiring doctor, but-“ Zayn pauses, wondering if he’s saying too much. “I’d really hate it if I opened the papers one day to see a Niall Horan has died in some pub fight gone wrong and all those times I patched you up was for nothing. 

Niall lifts himself up and settles on his elbows, and Zayn tries hard not to think about how Niall looks good lying on his bed, and that it’d be a welcoming sight to return to every night.

“I promise.”

Zayn goes to his closet to find Niall a change in clothes, and picks up a pair of grey sweatpants and a thick jumper, but then he hears the soft snores coming from the bed and turns to see that Niall’s fallen asleep already. He walks to the bed and thinks about waking him up, but Niall looks so peaceful and he’s obviously tired so Zayn leaves him be, despite the fact that he could be uncomfortable sleeping in his jeans.

Zayn wonders for a minute, whether he should lie down next to Niall, but then he thinks better of it. Instead, he removes Niall’s shoes and throws a blanket on top of his body and goes out to the living room and lies on the sofa instead, putting an alarm on his phone to wake him up every hour.

He wakes Niall up each time and asks him a few quick questions to make sure that his brain isn’t scrambled, and each time Niall falls back asleep as soon as Zayn tells him he’s right.

Niall is awake a little bit longer at about 5, and sleepily mumbles that his train is at 10am. Zayn’s fairly certain that his concussion is gone, so he promises to wake Niall up at 8 so that he has enough time to go home and then get to the station.

Zayn stays awake after that, lounging on the armchair in the living room. He takes his sketchbook out, and then starts to draw the image of Niall asleep on his bed. He tries not to think that it’s creepy, but he can’t help take the opportunity to put that image down on paper.

Somewhere along the way, he falls asleep, and wakes up in a jerk to someone shaking his shoulders. He opens his eyes to see Liam standing over him, and he looks at him confused until his eyes widen in alarm.

“Fuck! What time is it?”

“It’s quarter to 9 mate. What’s up?”

“Fuck fuck fuck! I was supposed to wake Niall up at 8.”

He runs into the room where Niall is curled up and sleeping soundly. He tries not to frantically wake him up, and calls out his name softly until Niall’s eyes flutter open.

“Mate, I’m so so sorry, I fell asleep and forgot to set an alarm and just got up.” Niall continues to look at him in that post-sleep daze, and Zayn struggles not to freak him out. “Mate, it’s 8.45.”

That seems to do the trick, and Niall practically jumps off the bed.

“Fuck!”

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry-“

“No, Zayn, it’s fine. It’s not your fault. I just…I’ll just hurry a little.” He rubs his face and gets up, stretching his arms and shooting Zayn a smile.

“Wait, you’re feeling alright right? No headaches?”

“Yeah, I mean…there’s still like…my head feels kind of heavy?”

Zayn nods, it’s completely normal for patients who’ve suffered a concussion to feel that way.

They walk out and Niall picks up his bag that he left by the sofa, just as Liam comes out with a fresh cup of coffee.

“You’re a fucking angel Liam, I owe ya.”

He hastily gulps it down, then gives Liam a quick wave before he turns to leave.

“Hey, good luck for your auditions mate. I’m sure you’ll smash it.” Zayn tells him as he follows Niall to the door.

Niall stops as he steps out, and turns to look at Zayn.

It happens really quickly, and it’s only when he sees Niall pulling away that he realises that-

Niall’s just kissed him.

“For good luck.” Niall gives him a cheeky wink and a smile before running down the stairs, leaving Zayn to stand there in shock and wonder what just happened.

**+1**

He doesn’t hear from Niall after that. He knows that he can’t count on him to walk into the hospital because he’s probably busy with the audition, but he wishes that that there’s some way of finding out how he went.

Two months pass, and the advertisement for The X-Factor start to play on tv. Zayn anxiously watches every single one to see if he can catch a glimpse of Niall in any of the shots. He even logs onto his Twitter for the first time since he left high school to stalk through tweets that mention anything about a talented blonde Irish guy.

Four months pass and The X-Factor finally starts, and Zayn religiously watches each show. He knows that Niall said something about trying his luck in a few other places if the crowd in Manchester was too big, so he’s not taking any chances and watches every audition.

Until one night, he has the show on while he’s getting ready for a night shift. He isn’t really paying much attention, because the auditions are in Birmingham. It’s been about two weeks and he’s starting to think that maybe Niall didn’t get in, when he hears a familiar voice coming through.

_“I’m Niall Horan, I’m 22, and I’m originally from Mullingar in the Midlands of Ireland. I wanna be like the big names in the world like Beyonce, and Justin Bieber’s a perfect example. My dream is to play sold out concerts and tour the world.”_

He practically trips over his pants as he runs to the living room, his eyes catching sight of Niall before they change to a different shot. But then he’s back on screen, and his whole face fills up the square of the tv.

Zayn sinks to his knees as he stares at the image in front of him. Niall’s wearing the same denim blue shirt under the white tee he was wearing the last time Zayn saw him, the familiar sight of his ripped grey jeans spreading a warmth through his veins.

“So what do you think are your chances today Niall?” the interviewer asks.

Niall smiles, like he’s holding back on a secret. “Well I’ve got a little bit of luck on my side Dermot, so I hope it brings me far.”

There’s a sound from the back of Zayn’s throat, something in between a gasp and a chuckle, but just the idea that Niall could be referring to him steals the breath out of his lungs.

When he starts, Zayn realises that it’s the first time that he’s hearing Niall sing. It’s a lovely rendition of Frank Sinatra’s _Fly Me to the Moon_ , and by the end of the audition Zayn’s certain of one thing.

He’s in love with Niall Horan.

~

Niall gets as far as the bootcamp stage. The look on his face when Simon says that he doesn’t make it through is devastating to watch, and it hurts that Zayn can’t reach into the tv and pull Niall into his arms.

It’s been about six months since Zayn last saw Niall, and the bootcamp must have been recorded at least a month before the show went to air. Zayn scours the Internet for any mention of what Niall could be up to now, whether anyone offered him a record deal, if he’s performing anywhere.

Nothing comes up.

Seven months pass, and the disappointment sets in as Zayn realises he has absolutely no idea where Niall is. He takes some comfort in hoping that maybe someone recognised his talent, and that Niall was holed up somewhere recording his debut album.

Nine months pass and Zayn meets a girl, a nurse at the hospital who’s from Bradford as well, and they bond over coming to the big city from a small town.

She’s a nice girl, with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She’s funny and carefree, and reminds him to eat on time and lectures him when he works himself too hard, and Zayn wonders whether it’s the beginning of something good.

Most of all she helps Zayn forget about a silly little thing he had for a random boy who used to get himself hurt a lot. No, no, he didn’t _love_ him. No, it was just a silly little crush.

But the lies he tells himself can only hold for so long, and every time he kisses her, he can’t help but think that it’ll never amount to the hasty kiss he got on his doorstep.

They break up after two months.

He gives up after that.

~

Zayn’s been stationed at a different hospital over the last month to get more experience, and it’s been an excruciatingly long day. It’s close to midnight, and he’s just gotten off the bus after an hour’s ride and all he wants to do is drag his tired feet back to his flat.

When he’s a few steps away from his door, he sees a figure crouched down on the floor outside. He sucks in his breath when he realises who it is, because he would know that body anywhere.

“Niall?”

It’s been twelve months since Zayn last saw him, and it’s a shock when he sees how Niall looks.

His right eye is swollen shut, he’s left cheek has a nasty blue bruise forming, his nose is bleeding and there’s a cut just above his left eyebrow. His skin is pale and Zayn’s surprised by how he can barely see the blue in his eyes.

“I went by the hospital but you weren’t there…didn’t want anyone else fixing me up. It’s our little tradition yeah?” He says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

Zayn stares at him without a word, still in awe that Niall is actually in front of him. After months of worrying and wondering where he was, Zayn finally has him within arm’s reach.

He quickly unlocks the door to his flat to let them both in, sticking his hand out to help Niall get off the floor.

He doesn’t miss the way Niall winces as he straightens his body, and the limp in his leg as he walks in before Zayn.

It’s clear that Niall obviously remembers his last visit to the flat, because he beelines straight for the couch.

“Where does it hurt?”

Niall lets out a quiet chuckle, and his blue eyes darken.

“Everywhere.”

“Who were you trying to save this time?” Zayn tries to tease, tries to coax that blinding smile he knows Niall is capable of.

Niall stays oddly quiet for a while, no smile or chuckle coming out of his mouth. “No one. Got drunk. Acted a little stupid. Got beat up.”

Zayn doesn’t know what to say, so he just settles for doing what he knows best: he starts to fix him up.

He gets up silently to get the first aid kit that he keeps at home, along with a bowl of hot water and some cloth.

Niall still doesn’t look at him the whole time Zayn cleans his face in silence. This used to be the time when they’d catch up, Niall laughing about the amount of times Zayn got vomit on or him filling in Zayn on the gigs he’d gotten.

He gets Niall to hold one ice pack to his cheek where it’s swollen up, then he presses down the length of Niall’s torso to assess for any broken bones. He lets out a loud hiss and flinches when Zayn presses somewhere in between his ribs, and when Niall lifts his shirt up for Zayn to inspect it, he finds pale skin bruised to a blue black colour.

It’s not broken, but it still looks like it’ll be painful for a while.

They both sit in silence, and Niall looks more relaxed than when he first walked in.

“I saw you on the X Factor.”

Niall flinches, but Zayn doesn’t know whether it’s from his question or the pain.

“Yeah, so you saw what happened then.” Niall’s jaw is tense, so Zayn leaves it at that eventhough there’s so many things he wants to ask him.

About half an hour later, Zayn’s finished and the ice pack is melting. He takes them from Niall and gets up, only Niall’s voice stops him from moving.

“There were a couple of guys at the pub today. Recognised me. Said some stuff. I-“ He’s nervous, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt and his head dropped low, “I knew they were trying to rile me up but I, I was just so angry and I punched one of ‘em in the face. Obviously wasn’t a match for the three of them.”

Zayn remains quiet, leaving after a few minutes to keep all the things back in the kitchen before joining Niall in the hall again. He’s lying on the sofa now, but his eyes are still wide open and staring up at the ceiling.

Zayn brings a blanket over and covers him with it, deciding to leave him to get some rest. But before he can, Niall grabs a hold of his hand. He’s still looking straight ahead, and just as Zayn tries to get out of his grip, he turns his head and Zayn sees the plea in his eyes.

Zayn lets his hand trace his jaw until he feels it relax, gently cupping Niall’s face. He slips into the space between the back of the sofa and Niall’s back, foregoing the idea of suggesting moving to the bedroom because he doesn’t want to mess this moment that they’re in.

Zayn wraps his arms around Niall and snuggles in closer, pressing his nose to the back of Niall’s neck, and kissing the skin that’s left exposed by his shirt.

“When I didn’t get in, it just, it crushed me. All my hopes and dreams were riding on that chance and…it was within my reach but just got taken away, just like that. It was…too much to take. I felt so lost.”

“Then why didn’t you come back to me?”

Zayn can feel Niall tense up in his arms, and he moves his hand to cover Niall’s over his chest, gently rubbing his thumb against his knuckles.

“You’re on your way to becoming a successful doctor. What would you want with a failure like me?”

“Did you think you were a failure when you kissed me a year ago?”

“Zayn-“

“No Niall, I won’t let you talk about yourself that way. If there’s one thing I’m sure about, it’s that you’re not a quitter Niall. And maybe this isn’t in your destiny, but I know for a fact that singing is what you’re born to do.” Zayn whispers into Niall’s skin.

“You just need some time to get over what happened. But it isn’t over for you Niall. What happened to being stubborn about it? You once told me that we shouldn’t let our passions die. I’ll remind you that every day if I have to.”

Niall doesn’t say anything for the longest time, and Zayn wonders whether he’s crossed the line. But then, Niall shifts in his arms, turning so that he faces Zayn.

He lifts his hand to cup Zayn’s face, his thumb lightly stroking his skin. “Every day?”

Zayn nods, and doesn’t hesitate to close the distance between them and kisses him, kisses him the way he wanted to that first time he looked up and saw Niall with his bloody lip, kisses him the way he’s imagined it every night since the last time he saw him.

Zayn kisses him like it’s a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started this when I hit a block while I was writing the second chapter of the amnesia fic, and it's always sort of been in the background while I've gotten distracted with other things. I didn't think I'd ever finish this, but for some reason the other day I was hit with inspiration and worked on it the whole day and then suddenly it was finished! 
> 
> This one's for everyone that's hurting right now, and for everyone that's still sticking around.


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